Travel (Reverb 10)

December 22 prompt: Travel. How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year? (Author: Tara Hunt) 


Mainly by my Prius.  Occasionally by plane.  Even less occasionally by Pathy. (He doesn't really like me.)


If I could, I would have my Mini Cooper, Fitz, back, and travel by him, but that is for dreams.  Where would I like to go?  To South Carolina, Florida, and Virginia to see my family.  To see snow.  To Yosemite.  To see Napa in the spring or fall instead of the summer or winter.  Anywhere that is just Jason and I. 

Future Self (Reverb 10)

December 21 – Future Self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?) (Author: Jenny Blake)

As cliche as it sounds, enjoy the moments with your children!  Don't get lost in the doing and making and creating and everything that "seems" so important, and just play with your kids.  I would tell myself to eliminate something else to spend more time with my husband.  I would tell myself to stop spending money unnecessarily.  I would say live...but live within the means you have.

Bonus: I don't really want to tell my old self anything.  She seemed to figure it out just fine without my help...

Healing (Reverb 10)

December 19 prompt:  Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Author: Leonie Allan)

Not working.  After 16 years, I stopped working for more than 4 weeks.  It was scary, and crazy, and in it's own way, equally as busy, but I needed to know what it was like on the other side.  I also needed to decompress and gather my ethics and morals and figure out what I wanted to do with myself and what I was willing to do in a company that would not compromise my ethical code, both professionally and personally.

And after a one year hiatus, I feel re-nourished, and ready to put my feet back in the water, though just up to my calves.

Try (Reverb 18)

December 18 prompt:  Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it? (Author: Kaileen Elise)

Next year: I want to try to make cinnamon rolls from scratch.  Amazingly enough, I have never done that.  (Maybe I'll do it in the next 2 weeks!)  I want to try to take a mini holiday without the kids.  I want to try to finish something I've started writing.  I want to reread all of Thomas Hardy's books.

This year: I wanted to start reading in a book club, with people I actually think are intelligent.  So, I started a family book club.  Mainly it consists of me, Jay, and my Daddy, with occassional appearances of my brother and sister.  But, I love that we are all reading the same book...so although I would like more involvement, I am happy that I did it!  And I've read some books I would not normally have read!

I also wanted to try bangs.  And I did.  And I wasn't all to thrilled with it.  (By no fault of my stylist, Michele!)

And I wanted to try my hand at canning.  And never did it.  Just got caught up in day-to-day momdom.  And being away all of July didn't really help either.

"I'm a Robot!"

Lesson Learning (Reverb 10)

December 17 prompt: Lesson Learned What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward? (Author: Tara Weaver)

That I'm better at doing my job with other kids than I am at doing my job with my own children.  It wasn't surprising lesson or unexpected, but definitely realized.  I kinda knew deep down during the first two years with Charlie that this was the case, but since I worked full time, and he was at school at least 40 hours a week, I didn't really get to experience my complete "full of fail" that I was at parenting. It wasn't until I had to spent every waking minute with not only one child, but two, and they were both my own, that I fully comprehended the phrase, "It's easier said than done."

I have always told parents that I work with that it's easier for me to tell them what to do, than it will be for them to actually follow through.  But that comment hit me full on come February and March of this past year.

Now, don't get me wrong.  I honestly think I do a pretty darn good job of parenting, compared to some things I see.  But, if these weren't my own kids, I'd probably be doing better, MUCH better.

What have I taken from it?  There's something between a parent and a child that is much different than between a caregiver/teacher/mentor and a child.  And that's ok.  I have learned to roll with things much more easily than I did when I just had one child, and was only having to "parent" Friday through Sunday and in the evenings.  And somehow, I am nearly 100% sure my kiddos will come out just fine.  Even if I turn into crazy dragon momma every once in awhile!

5 Minutes (Reverb 10)

December 15 prompt: – 5 Minutes Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010. (Author: Patti Digh)

Lily being born, being tiny, sleeping so much
Party for Lily and Charlie
Visiting with Rebec
Sonoma Trip, so much wine.
Slade and Matthew visiting; lovely dinners, wine tasting, smiles
Visit with Tiff and Frank; settlers fun
Charlie and Lily at the beach in Virginia
Lily first sitting up and crawling
Charlie learning to ride his tricycle
Charlie talking so much
Quiet times during naps
Cooking and baking for my family
Trip with Sullivans, dominos, poker, and KIDS!
Bentoing
Dramione friends
Thanksgiving with Mike and Kim and Chris and Lena
Lily's first Christmas and Charlie's first real understanding of Christmas
Charlie making Lily laugh
Budgets
Cloth diapering community
Charlie's first movie in the theatre--Toy Story

Appreciate (Reverb 10)

December 14 prompt: Appreciate. What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it? (Author: Victoria Klein)

I think this one is fairly easy. I appreciate my ability to be able to stay at home with my children. Life would be easier if I worked, so I am grateful to my husband for allowing me to quit working and just be a mom.

And in that I am appreciative of every moment, hard and easy, good and bad, stressful and calm, beautiful and ugly, that comes with it.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

11 Things (Reverb 10)

December 11 – 11 Things What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? (Author: Sam Davidson)

1) Belief that I *need* things

2-4)Wasteful time, money, energy

5) Pretense

6) Regret

7) Unhappiness

8) Doubt

9) Chaos

10)

11)

I purposely left the last two blank because I think new "unneeded" items can pop up at any time.  Plus if I get down to nitty gritty stuff like I don't "need" wine or internet or new pajamas pants every 2 months, then the list could, and would, be endless.  What do we really "need?"  Love, companionship, basic food and water, shelter.  But no, I also need 600 thread count sheets, and a different pair of jeans for each day of the week, and an endless stream of toys for my kids, and constant entertainment.  Don't I?

I honestly think the best thing to eliminate is wastefulness, and with that comes the internal belief we have that we "need" things.  We need that new computer, that new video game console, that new cookbook, those new shoes.  I am as guilty as the next person, but even for someone with unlimited funds, it often seems like we are just buying, purchasing, procuring, just to do so. 

Honesetly, I really don't think I do alot of this.  Not as much as some people.  Nevertheless, it's there, and I see myself doing it.  And it bothers me during, and afterwards.  

And with an elimination, or at least reduction, or this empty buying to buy mentality, I believe I can greatly reduce the pretense and unhappiness, self-doubt and disorder, that is in my life.  

This will not be an easy task, and yes, I think I will probably fail at it, multiple times, but if I recognize what is going on around me, it will be easier to keep myself in check and just enjoy life as it is...

Wisdom Wisdom (Reverb 10)

December 10 prompt: Wisdom Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out? (Author: Susannah Conway)

Honestly,. I can barely remember decisions I made 2 days ago, much less a year ago.  I would hope most of the decisions I make are fairly wise, since most of what I do pertains to my children and family. 

However, there are a few decisions that I have made over the course of this past year, and I think that I can safely say that these three may be counted as the "wisest" I have ever made.  

1) Cloth Diapering, 2) Composting, 3) Eliminating almost all paper products from our household. 

All three cut down on major waste.  Our trash can has barely anything in it each week.  We are saving money, since I don't buy diapers, wipes, paper towels, napkins, and baggies. And most obviously, we are reducing our carbon footprint b reusing (Jason takes nothing to work that will be thrown out, except food, which comes home and goes into the compost, and clearly the cloth diapers), recycling (aluminum foil can be recycled, so I use that instead of baggies), and obviously reducing.  

I may be a Southern girl at heart, but I have welcomed the Nor Cal hippie tendencies with open arms!

Beautifully Different (Reverb 10)

December 8 prompt: Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.

Yikes...One of those prompts that makes you say nice things about yourself.  We do it all the time, but only to ourselves, never outloud.  Then it becomes pride and arrogance at it's finest...or does it?

What makes me different?  Here in California, it's being from South Carolina, and my drawl when I become angry or ecstatic or just plain overly emotional.  It's my overuse of certain words, such as fabulous or naughty.  It's my obsession with all things Harry Potter, mainly involving a few certain Slytherins.  It's my refusal to eat blue M&Ms.  It's my compulsive need to have constant access to my blankie (i.e. the iPad). It's my love of jackets, long, short, heavy, thin, wool, jean...as long as I can layer, I can't stop myself from buying them.  It's my belief that I can have it all...despite what everyone else says! 

Make (Reverb 10)

December 6 prompt: Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

Dinner. Pepper crusted pork loin.

Homemade hot chocolate balls for cold winter night. Thank you Cook's Illustrated.

A tree, flower, airplane for Charlie. Artwork at its finest.

Things i have wanted to finish, and have not. My wedding album and Lily's baby book.

Something I want to make and probably never will. A quilt.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Let Go (Reverb 10)

December 5 prompt:  Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

Report writings, meetings, evaluations, driving 100+ miles a day, working 60 hours a week, pleased parents, angry parents, programming, seeing a child verbally communicate for the first time, talking to adults every day…

Why?   

For this…

 And this…

Moment (Reverb 10)

December 3 prompt: Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

Well, the obvious one would be the moments while I waited for Lily to be born.  But that seems too obvious.  And it came upon me in the shower, of all places.

Back in early May, I met my friend Michele at the zoo.  It was one of those days that was cool, but within an hour, I was stripping off my sweater, and glad I had a tank top on, and loving the feel of the sun on my shoulders.  The air was warm, the breeze was frequent, and the sky was cloudless.  We explored for bit before sitting down to have a snack.  Charlie ate his next to me, while I nursed Lily.  I remember someone stopping to commiserate with me about the difficulty in nursing one child while the older toddler ran around.  

And it was the next 15 minutes of my life that were like one big ball of vivid emotions.  I remember every sensation, and yet, it is all a blur.  Is that possible?

I had just set Lily down in her carseat, and I looked up to call Charlie back over to the stroller.  And in that moment, I realized he was gone.  In the movies, there is the camera above the distraught mother as she twirls looking for her child.  I turned in almost circles over and over searching for him with my eyes, but never actually calling for him, because I believed if I did, I would be admitting he was lost.

As I left Lily with Michele, I took off, not running, but walking.  I remember the smell of the petting zoo, as I looked for Charlie there.  I remember exactly were the alligators were in their exhibit, only one up on the land.  I remember how cold the reptile house was, and the chillbumps on my arms.  I remember biting the inside of my mouth when a zoo employee cut me off when I started to explain I had lost my son, all because she was feeding an animal.  

But in the moment I saw him, it was as if the world stopped moving.  A nauseous feeling invaded my body, my heart felt so heavy and big, I could feel it pounding against my chest, the bright orange Chucks on his feet nearly blinded me, and his voice saying "Momma, I want to ride the train" made my eyes erupt with tears.  Never had his little body felt so good in my arms. 

And in that moment, I was my most alive, because I was whole again.

Writing (Reverb 10)

Today's prompt: What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?

When I first read this, I dismissed it, as I don't consider myself a writer, and to be perfectly frank, I don't think writing a blog counts.  But, I actually do write.  Mainly fanfiction, which some would consider silliness and perhaps falling into that "not writing" category. 

But I have so many ideas, and why don't I write more?  What keeps me from it?  There's the obvious tasks such as cooking, cleaning, playing, laundry, errand running that I do.   But in the end, there are two distractions.  

One is media...in the form of television, movies, the Internet, my blankie (the iPad)...And yes, I could eliminate those.  Or turn them off for a few hours a day while I write. 

The other is my husband, who I don't see all day.  We like to spend the evening talking and arguing over news while watching silly shows or other things not-so-silly, like Top Chef ;D.  And seeing as how I kinda love him and enjoy being with him, no, I cannot eliminate him, so I suppose my writing will have to suffer...all for a healthy marriage.

One Word (Reverb 10)

Kim over at KimberlyMichelle posted about Reverb 10, but it wasn't until I saw the first blog post with the above prompt (One Word), that I started thinking on the topic and the idea of Reverb 10.  With that being said, I am going to do my darndest to participate every day.

The prompt for 12/1/10 is One Word.  One word that describes the past year for you, and one word that you hope will describe your coming year.  

So, without further ado....

A word for 2010: Erudition

Yes, this is a strange word, seeing as how I have already matriculated various times.  But this year brought me a new child, just 18 days after the new year was rang in.  It also brought me joblessness.  Which was a very experience for me.  Day after day brought new challenges, as my second child didn't "work" like my first one, and I was trying to implement everything I did with Charlie, only to find out, it's not the same when there is a second little body in the house.  Interruptions, distractions, and noises were a frequent part of my life.  Without the respite of a job, peers, or family to rely on, I had to learn how to be a stay-at-home mom who didn't go completely bonkers.  

I suppose all of that sounds really awful and depressing.  But it wasn't (at least not all of it!).  It was just different.  A new learning experience.  A chance to me to do something new with my life that I had always wanted to.  I learned a new side of multi-tasking.  I learned that you cannot read Richard Scarry too many times.  I learned that the laughter that Charlie can pull out of Lily is absolutely priceless.  I learned that potty training my own child is much harder than training other kids. I learned that cloth diapering is easy, and big butts are cute!  I learned how to cook supper every night and send Jason to work with lunch every day. I learned that even with our income cut in half, I was infintately happier at home with my children.

A word for 2011: Fulfillment

All of the the above being said, I have felt like something has been missing this year.  I've worked for the past 16 years, with no more than a month not working at any given time.  To go 12 months were my only job is raising my children was...difficult.

I hope that this time next year brings me mental and emotional stability.  I hope that I have a job that will fulfill the need I have to interact with professional peers, to assist others the way I have been educated and trained to do, to expand my mind learning new techniques and ideas in my field.  And with those dreams comes the hope that I can balance it with my home life, and lead a full and balanced life, even if it is slightly chaotic.